1. Turn the water off at the valve and remove the old toilet. This will go fairly easy, although one of the bolts to the sewer flange will just spin when you turn the nut, so you'll need some needle nose pliers.
2. Remove the square of metallic gold wallpaper from behind the toilet where it was cut around when they painted the room.
3. Sand the square area to prep it for primer and paint.
4. Have your helper primer, then paint the wall, using a blow dryer to speed drying. You'll need to point out to your helper that the paint they grabbed is actually just the tinted primer, which is why the color doesn't quite match. They will then get the paint and all will be well except that...
5. Now, according to the helper, is a good time to touch up the marks on the wall in the bedroom. After they do this, you will realize that the color doesn't quite match, and looks like the reverse issue you had in the bathroom, which it is, because you put paint on the bedroom wall, and it turns out that the paint crew that painted the place to prep it for sale missed painting the bedroom and stopped after spraying primer on the wall. This will annoy you, but will in no way convince you that room should be painted, because your memory of all of the trouble that caused (major surgery for your mother) is still fresh in your mind. Just put primer back over the little area of paint and call it good.
6. Install new toilet. At this point you'll realize that the previous installer soldered one of the flange bolts to the flange, so you can't use both bolts that came with your toilet, and the old one is a slightly different size. While it will still work, the little plastic cap that is supposed to snap over the bolt to hide it won't on this one, so you'll want to just casually place it over it while recognizing that every time you clean behind the toilet it will get knocked off and you will have to chase it around the bathroom, if the cat doesn't get to it and some point and knock it under some piece of furniture where you will never find it.
7. Before you are done, your helper will call for help, and you will get to take a very long break from installing the toilet to help clean up the paint that has been spilled all over the carpet. Remember to blot, not rub, and use lots of water.
8. Finish installing the toilet and connect the water line. The end connection to the toiled will leak, which the installation instructions say is possible and thus you will need to replace it with a new one (not included). Since the local hardware store will be closed because it is now evening you will need to get in your car and drive 20 minutes to the big box store. Luckily you will find an employee in the plumbing section to point you in the right direction. Unfortunately, though you will show him your old hose and specifically ask him to verify that the new one he hands you will work, it is not until you get home that you will realize that it won't because the end that connects to the water valve is too large. If you still have young ones be careful with the volume when you curse. You may spook your wife, which will be somewhat surprising to you because based on the events of the last few weeks you would expect her to be accustomed to your saltier tongue by this point.
9. Go back to the big box store, get a hose with the correct size fittings, drive home, install it, turn the water on and verify that it all works.
10. It's done, your day has been a pile of crap....you know what to do next, because that's what a toilet is for.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Oh my...too funny. I am so sorry. I hate it when projects get out of control. But...a well written post. (Are you taking lessons from your helper?) Have you every read the children's book, "If you take a mouse to the movies" or any of its companion books? It reminded me a bit of that style of story. Well done! (The writing and the toilet installation.)
Oh what fun.
Great post! Hilarious! Their is a rule that a friend who works at a hardware store told us. All plumbing projects require a minimum of three trips to the store. The original purchase, and two during the project. We've found this to be true, and now, sadly so have you. On the plus side, we've also heard that any marriage that can live through building or remodeling a house, will stand the test of time. So when you start to get really annoyed just remember that you are going to come out of this with a super strong marriage!
Post a Comment